(Sarcastic thoughts on our choices, our opportunities)
Have you ever wondered how free you are? What makes you free?
"Decide lightly on serious matters! [...] In minor matters, decide seriously!" This is what the Hagakure, the "Bible" of the samurai, teaches. It is worth dealing with what this teaching actually tells us, not necessarily with its literal content.
It's about the choices we make, the decisions we have to take on the bigger and smaller issues of everyday life. If we don't pay enough attention to them, they become the bigger issues. Just to give you an example: when we don't play the game for the remote control, the washing up, we give up arguing about child-rearing and slowly put our energy elsewhere - these are everyday small decisions. But it's easy to end up having to decide on property division and rent. And there are few good decisions there.
When we talk about our choices, it's really about our freedom. Because our freedom means, in a certain sense, in fact, basically, that we are free to decide for ourselves what we think, what we say and what we do. There are limits, of course - but ultimately we can also decide what limits we keep. What standards we will abide by, what rules we will ignore, if any. I'm sure we've all seen someone crossing a zebra crossing when the light was red. Or spoken rudely to someone, or laughed at someone, neither of which is appropriate.
Can we make the right choices? Where do we find the courage, or even the common sense? How do we even decide who/whom to listen to? These are very important questions and not easy to answer!
I work with people every day. With leaders. With teams, with groups. Karate-going, kali-enthusiast adults and almost adults. Generally educated, smart people, successful in business and in their field of expertise for the most part. Yet, they often just drift. They don't really know what they want, or, if they do, they rarely act on their real goals. They flounder in the maze of daily decisions. Drawing on this experience, I would like to highlight a few phenomena as something to ponder when it comes to the question of how free we are, whether we are free to choose:
- Unobtrusive influence - this includes all the information we don't ask for but can't really avoid: the messages on billboards, advertising in general, propaganda: on TV, radio, the internet - is virtually unavoidable. And - even though you had no idea you needed a particular product or feeling, you now know exactly that, if you're somebody, if you're just a little bit giving of yourself, you don't want to be a loser, you've got to get it...
- The influence we seek - what we seek for ourselves. Because we are insecure. We want to belong. All those "isms", cults, preachers who don't inspire you to think, but who do it for you, telling you with infallible clarity how to live, what to eat, what to fear, what/who to hate - the list is endless, as the number of preachers is growing.
- The Cult of the Star - There have never been so many stars! They are being produced at an amazing pace, with unbelievable efficiency. And then it turns out that many of them are true polymaths: mostly chefs, educational and lifestyle consultants, trainers, fashion experts, media professionals. The bottom line: you can learn everything from the stars! (Of course, if you're talking about an "outdated, old-fashioned" star, that's hardly true. Al Di Meola mostly just plays music...)
- Fear is exciting - mostly because of the existential questions that arise every day. It helps us to persevere in situations from which we suffer. An aggressive boss, an abusive 'partner', a malicious colleague or neighbour, an unscrupulous troublemaker, could not really assert themselves if fear did not help. And it's already decided how we choose.
- Resignation - when we accept a situation, see it as unchangeable, go on autopilot and resignedly go through the motions.
As a counterpoint, let me quote from an interview I did with a friend, my master, someone who makes his living studying and teaching martial arts:
„Máig emlékszem arra a pillanatra, amikor megcsillant a fény az alagút végén. Szó szerint megkérdeztem magamtól:
-Peter, if you were rich, what would you do?
-Kungfu!
-Kung-fu, then! Do it well enough to make a living!"
And it happened. It's tremendous work, but it's liberating to create something. To find it in ourselves and build it, to achieve what we really want.
These phenomena support our - often conscious - self-consciousness very nicely. Of course, when you think about it, it's not that hard to change: all we have to do is turn off the autopilot and participate in our own lives with our own autonomous, inward-looking choices. And to support all the children for whom we are responsible, to teach them to do this. It's that simple! I mean, about as easy as, say, quitting smoking or running your first marathon.
Anyway, let's be careful! Let us consider whether we need thinking, independent people! They are much harder to control and discipline. They do not swallow the respect of authority that comes from mere position. They know what they want, they investigate the news and information put in front of them, they don't bother much about what to follow. They even have their own taste. And their own decisions.
Vince Gulyás April 2021
