Security. Predictability. That's what we want. Understandable.
But our world is a fast-changing place. Security and predictability are not being dealt much of a hand these days. I don't want to scare myself or others, I'm not interested in political positions on the subject, just what I feel, see, experience in myself, around myself, in coaching processes, in supervision, in friendships - everywhere I look.
Beyond Paranoia, beyond politics, I certainly believe that there are transformations taking place that are leading us into completely unknown territories. And I believe that there is a chance that there is also a way to a life in greater harmony with our environment, with each other and with ourselves.
The uncertainty in which we live now can be used for three things:
- With our heads held low, we can insist on resisting change, trying at all costs to maintain what we are used to, what we have surrounded ourselves with.
- We can put our hands up, surrendering to circumstances, going with the flow, trying to get through the difficulties.
- We can grasp the essence of change and, despite our uncertainties and even guided by them, follow our inner inspiration. We can move towards the existence we desire.
In a coaching conversation this week, someone asked me, quite seriously, if I knew anyone who was living their life with goals. Because she doesn't. Then she listed a few things, "Sure, I'd like to own my own house. To travel a lot, work abroad, produce for myself everything I need... To do meaningful work that is recognized." Well. Those are goals. Almost. Right now they are just wishes, ideas, visions. Important images, but they rarely become reality. If we turn them into goals, they're more likely to.
The difference between desires and goals is intention and action. To desire something is still a static state. The idea itself entertains, gives pleasure - and stops there. It is the determination, the real, that is, the intention to act, that begins to become the goal. I decide - and I take the first step.
I know from experience that we need a lot of inner strength to find our common sense goals in this ever-changing environment.
To achieve what we want, what we really value, we need to turn our desires into goals. We can be sure that we will face many obstacles along the way. These obstacles will often make us feel insecure. So we need a great deal of mental stamina to overcome these obstacles and finally achieve what we really want.
Mental fitness can be developed in the same way as physical fitness. It requires regular training. Our fears, our insecurities, our circumstances and our responses to them act as mental resistance in this process in the same way as, say, a barbell to strengthen our muscles.
When we start training, everything is very difficult at first. Take swimming, for example: the water is cold, it's not good to dive in. Even after a few lengths, the other end of the pool is hopelessly far away. Our muscles tire quickly and it's hard to get them to move properly. After a workout, you may feel fresh and fit and look forward to the next session, but you may also feel lead fatigue and decide to stay out of the water.
If you stick with the exercise, you'll notice the positive effects and improving stamina soon enough. Over time, we may even grow to love the workout itself. Of course, it's important that the form of exercise is close to you and that you can progress at your own pace.
In the same way, if we learn to use our mental resistances correctly, we can develop our mental stamina to a level that makes it much easier to face difficulties. Just as we can learn to enjoy working out, we can soon find that simply working towards our goals is an enjoyable process. And this can help us to become less adrift and more persistent in our pursuit of what really matters.
Mental toughness can also be developed through "traditional" coaching processes. When we work on the subject in the context of martial arts coaching, we are working in parallel to achieve a physical goal, with real training work and the client's original goal, with a supervised, coaching approach. We use the energy and patterns of resolving parallel stories in the coaching work to help with mental processes, goal achievement, initiating and reinforcing the necessary changes.
Next: Why move? Why martial arts?
Vince Gulyás
5th October 2022.
